Happy Blogiversary!

I just realized that my first post on this blog was exactly one year ago today. Gee, you'd think I'd have more posts up by now or something. Anyway, here's a look back at that post, so you can see how much we've all grown in one year! (The link is actually to the second post I did. My first post was just a little blurb on the 17th of Sept. 2007 saying, hi, we're here!)

Anyway, Happy Birthday to my blog, and thanks to everyone who's been reading me this year!

P.S. I am the WORST SIL ever! Happy Birthday, Diane!

Whad'ya know? Eating carrots really is good for your eyes!

During some serious sand play the other day, Dylan came to me rubbing his eyes (with sand-covered hands, of course) complaining that there was something scratchy in his eye. (Gee, I wonder what it was.) So I told him to stop rubbing, because he would only get more sand lodged in there. Then I suggested that he try to cry, so that his tears could wash the grains of sand out of his eye, or I could pour some water in his eye if he wanted me to.

DYLAN: No, no, no, no, nooooo!! Do not get water in my eye.

ME: Then you should try to cry so your tears will wash the sand out.

D: But Mommy, I am not sad.

ME: Can you think of something that would make you sad enough to cry?

D: WAAAAAAAAH! (total drama queen fake cry) I miss Daddy! (Scott happened to be out of town at the time.) WAAAAAAAHH! (still fake)

ME: How's your eye.

D: Still sand

ME: Now do you want me to pour some water in it?

D: No, no, no, no, no!! I will go play some more and maybe it will just get out.

A few minutes later, he walked back over to me.

D: Hey, Mom, did you know eating carrots is good for your eyes? Can I have some carrots?

(Like I'm gonna say no to my kid asking me if he can snack on some carrots!)

After munching on a few carrots and contemplating, he proudly announced: Hey, my eye is all better now! Carrots really do fix your eyes!

The conspiracy rages on

If you haven't yet read about the beings in the universe conspiring against me, go here first. Otherwise, read on... this is an update which illustrates just how widespread the conspiracy is becoming.

To be fair, I have to admit that the last couple of times we have gone to Tempe Marketplace, the splash pad has been fully operational and my kids have actually played in the fountains. Of course, I have no photographic proof because you know how it goes about actually taking pictures.

The weather here has been decent for the first couple weeks of September (meaning that the highs are hovering just around or slightly below 100) so it is actually tolerable to think about enjoying outdoor activities. So last Friday morning we headed for the Phoenix Zoo. I figured we could see a few animals and by the time the kids got too hot, we would head for the splash play area. I packed a bag with swimsuits and everything, totally prepared. So a few elephants, giraffes, and squirrel monkeys later, we were all hot and tired and the kids were ready for some water fun. Do I need to tell you what happened when we made it to the splash area? Yep! No water fun last Friday!

We recently discovered the Splash Playground at Tempe Beach Park. We had plans to meet a friend for a playdate there this morning. I am so sorry to all the other moms we saw, kids, towels, and picnic lunches in tow. I know that it is quite a hike with all that stuff from the parking lot to the actual playground only to find it closed for the morning. I, apparently, was the bad luck that arrived right as the park was to open at 10:00 that caused the malfunction that needed to be repaired for at least two hours before any of the play equipment would be splashable.

Not to be thwarted, our quest for water play continues. The zoo has opened a new play space with caverns and waterfalls which we will be checking out later this week. I guess I should make sure it is really open before we go and before I once again cannot deliver on a promise of splashability. And if you were planning to check it out, maybe don't go this Friday morning because my water play curse may wreak havoc on your kids' fun!

And for some not so nakedness...

Sadie gets dressed all by herself... in her upside-down skirt!

And speaking of nakedness...

Three year old boy nearly arrested for indecent exposure in family restaurant!

This is almost a non-post, but when it happened we laughed so hard our cocktails came spewing out of our noses.

Anyway, to make a long and mostly boring story short, I will get right to it. We're sitting in a (not) fine dining establishment eating dinner and Dylan's being a little wild man and trying to climb over Scott to escape from the booth. Scott grabs him by the waistband of his shorts and accidentally depants him. For whatever reason (part of the long boring version that really has no relevance) he's going commando. So he ends up flashing our entire side of the restaurant his full frontal. I look over and Dylan's back is to me because he's facing everyone else and all I can see is skinny little boy butt. (Hence, the wine spewing from my nose.) Good thing we've got him feeling all confident about his parts and stuff, so at least he's not embarrassed. Very anticlimatically, amidst the wine and beer spraying everywhere, we manage to get him decent before any arrests could be made.

Okay, so it's really not that funny rereading it. Guess you had to be there!

Pieces and Parts

As Scott and I watch our kids playing together in the bathtub, we find ourselves maneuvering through conversations that we never imagined ourselves having. Like ever. Or at least until they came to us and asked about the birds and the bees. Like when they're twenty or something, right? Conversations about parts and differences and functions.

I think that because we have one of each gender, and they bathe together and see each other naked on a regular basis, we are probably dealing with the parts issue more than parents of two of the same, or with just one child. I didn't think I would have to talk about S-E-X so early on. (Not that we are really discussing it, but, you know, laying the foundation for how we as a family will discuss it when it becomes appropriate. Like when they're twenty.) Dylan notices that Sadie is missing something that he has. And since Sadie doesn't have one, she is very curious and likes to grab it when she has a chance, like she would grab at my nose, or my tongue if I stuck it out at her. The curiosity is as natural and innocent as wondering why her eyes are blue or why his feet are bigger.

And since Sadie is learning about 27,000 new words a day, she wants everything labeled for her, so she can repeat and learn and say it on her own next time. So while Dylan is flaunting his parts and wondering where Sadie's are, Sadie looks down to not find them there, then points and wants to know what her pieces are called. Well, I have to answer her, right? Like I would if she pointed to her knee or her ear. Because it is natural curiosity which I don't want to thwart. So I should really teach her (them) the correct terminology. But I can't. I don't know why. I don't consider myself to be prude or anything. But I have a really hard time saying that girl part word.

The first time Dylan discovered his masculinity during a diaper change, I had no problem announcing to him that yes, that's his penis. He's never called it a pee-pee or a wee-wee or anything else. It's always been penis. I can say it without without skipping a beat. See? Penis. Penis. Penis. As a result, Dylan is quite confident discussing his penis no matter who's around or where we are. At an extended family gathering, "What is up with my penis? I need to itch it." In a crowded public restroom as he waits in the stall with me, "Mommy, why don't you have a penis?" Or in a public restroom with Scott, "Daddy, your penis is big and mine is just little." We take these conversations in stride, even if we are a little embarrassed by them because it is important for him to not feel ashamed of any of his parts. In time we know that the social filter will develop and he won't just yell, "Penis!" inappropriately across the playground in sixth grade. (Well, maybe he will, but not because he doesn't know any better by then!)

So why, oh why, do I seem to be falling into such a double standard with my daughter? Because believe you me, I want her to have just as much confidence and unashamedness as her brother, if not more so. Because girls just seem to end up with way more issues about that stuff. And so that it isn't taboo to talk about when it becomes really important for her to trust me to talk about it. And so that I don't get all giggly and goofy when I have to say, you know, the word. Because how I talk to her now is the basis for how we will have all future conversations about this most important subject. And the closest I can come is VahJayJay. Which will get me by for maybe one more week because she can't really pronounce it yet but you know she's making so much progress with those 27,000 new words a day I'll bet she'll have it by then. In a week she will be asking me, "Mommy why does Dylan have a penis, but I just have a vahjayjay? Come on. What is it really called?"

I can't fool them now, and I definitely don't want them to feel fooled when it really matters. Because misinformation, or incomplete information will lead them to make uninformed choices, when it really matters. So I better just get over it. Here goes. Vagina. There, I said it. All pieces and parts officially named, head to toe, front to back, boy and girl. I am duly equipping my children with the information they will need, when it really matters. Now someone please just tell me that "when it really matters" isn't until they're at least twenty?!!

This is not a political blog.

But I have opinions about candidates and issues. And I am a mom. I care about what kind of future I am choosing for my children when I vote. So if you are part of a presidential ticket hoping I cast my ballot your way, here are three talking points you can throw at me until you are blue in the face (ha! get it? blue!) but that still won't earn you my vote. Or my respect.

1. "I'll bet she is the only VP nominee with the exception of maybe Teddy Roosevelt who can field dress a moose!" (Thank you Fred Thompson for that gem.) Are you kidding me?!! Because you're telling me that as if having the ability to field dress a moose actually does qualify her to be VP! But if that is the only thing you can come up with to say about her, well then bring it on!

2. I know that McCain was a POW. I know he suffered terrors beyond what ordinary humans can imagine. I know his captivity and sacrifice were horrific and heroic. I don't discredit any of that by saying this: Don't have someone give a speech on McCain's behalf detailing Every. Single. Moment. Of his torture. I already know he suffered a lot, beyond anything I could possibly comprehend. Orating upon exactly what means of coercion caused which of McCain's injuries does not make him a better presidential choice. It kind of makes him seem a little needy and desperate for votes. Like he deserves my vote for the singular fact that he was a POW.

3. Do not expect to gain my support by making an issue of the fact that your sons and daughters, and people associated with you and your family's sons and daughters are now currently serving, have in the past, or are scheduled to be deployed to Iraq. Don't get me wrong. I am in no way, shape or form diminishing the service of anyone who chooses to defend our nation as a member of the armed forces. I am grateful for every son, daughter, mother, father, wife, and husband that is over there. But you candidates, and those who speak on your behalf, are diminishing your loved ones' service by rattling it off in campaign speeches as a vote-earning tactic.

Did anyone know, from listening to Beau Biden's introduction of his father, and then to Joe Biden's speech that Beau would be deploying to Iraq in October? Or did you have to google it afterwards, like me? I am betting on the googling, because they didn't play on your emotions by parading it in front of you as a ploy for votes. Beau's service to his country, admirable as it is, remained a private family matter and not a campaign tactic.

Speaking of private family matters, while I abhor the attention being paid to the rumors surrounding the pregnancy of Sarah Palin's daughter, private? My ass! When you are the poster child for the Conservative platform of Abstinence Only, then you make that private family matter very, very public. Because you are touting a program, a family value, a way of life, to an entire nation that you can't even manage to maintain in your own family. I'm sorry. That deserves public attention. Not to discredit the choice of running mates, but certainly to punctuate the need for comprehensive sex education. An issue which won't be progressed if McCain and Palin are elected.

Maybe when the GOP candidates begin to focus on actual issues, rather than preying on my emotions, they might turn this true blue mom's head. But really they just continue to leave me feeling pretty disgusted with everything they have to say.