And Then There Were Two

In my offline life, I have a couple of friends who will soon find themselves bringing home new little ones to add to their families. And online I have some friends (who wouldn't know me passing on the street, but I read you everyday, Kristen and Rebecca and I heart you) who are due in a couple of weeks with a girl apiece. So I found out about this online shower and decided to crash it. You can too! (Really, go to the link below, especially if you are in the throes of baby newness yourself, or you just need some perspective in your life about What Really Matters. You can link to some fantastic posts about, well, babiness. But take a box of Kleenex!)



My friends, you make me laugh, you make me cry, you make me think in ways that challenge me to be a better person, a better mom, everyday. So as you prepare to welcome your sweet new babies to the world, I wish you showered with all the happiness imaginable, and I am adding my own little gem to your cache.

My biggest fear, in preparing for baby number two (besides OMG WTF AM I GOING TO DO WITH TWO KIDS?!!) was how much it would rock the world of the child we already had. He was the love of our life, the center of our universe. What would it do to his developing sense of self to suddenly be sharing the spotlight with this new, unknown little creature? Had we prepared him enough? How would he react? Would he resent her? How would he treat her? How would we as parents deal with balancing the needs of both?

I delivered Sadie by scheduled c-section. As I prepared for the day she would be born, I remember thinking about how much I wanted to not be pregnant anymore. I remember thinking about how much I wanted to know this little being that had been growing inside of me. But mostly, I wanted her brother to know her. I couldn't wait for the moment of their meeting.

Much of what I remember about that day is blurred by drug-induced fuzziness. But when I think back to the day that Sadie came to be with us, I have one brilliant shard of memory that blazes through the cloudy layer of half-consciousness. It is the moment that Scott brought Dylan to the hospital to see me, to meet his sister. And in that moment, when he saw the baby and his face lit with instantaneous recognition, and he expressed in his not quite yet two-year-old way "that baby Sadie, that my Sadie," I knew. I knew that she was his. I knew as he leaned over and softly kissed her sweet head that he loved her. I knew as he grasped her tiny hand in his and she clung tightly to his finger that she would always need him. In that moment I caught a shining glimpse of Our Family, and whether or not we had done enough, it was enough. And as I sank back into to the medicated haze, I smiled, suspecting that I just might be okay with two.

his Sadie

he loves her